10 Tips for Supporting Friends and Family During Childbirth

Childbirth is a profound and life-altering experience, both for the person giving birth and for those close to them. Whether you’re a partner, friend, or family member, your support can make a significant difference. Here are some ways to provide helpful support before, during, and after birth.

1. Provide Emotional Support Prenatally

Pregnancy and the time leading up to labor can be filled with excitement, anxiety, and sometimes fear. Be present for the expectant mother emotionally, whether through listening to their concerns, offering reassurance, or simply being there as a calm presence. Respect their boundaries if they need space but let them know you’re available.

Tip: Validate their emotions and encourage them to share how they’re feeling. Sometimes, just holding space for someone and being a good listener is the best support.

2. Be Informed About Their Birth Plan

Familiarize yourself with their birth plan. If they don’t have one, you might encourage them to write one. A birth plan should include things like their preferences for pain management, labor positions, who they want in the room, and should always include a contingency plan.  Understanding their wishes beforehand will help you advocate for them when they may not be able to advocate for themselves.

Tip: Ask respectful questions about their birth plan to understand how you can best support them without being intrusive.

3.  Offer Practical Help

There are many tasks you can help with leading up to the birth that can help alleviate stress for the family. Running errands, preparing meals, helping with household chores, helping care for siblings, or assisting with nursery preparation can take a load off their shoulders.

Tip: Offer specific ways to help, like “Can I pick up groceries for you?” rather than vague offers like “Let me know if you need anything.” This not only shows your support, but it helps parents to even know what things they might need—keep in mind that new parents often don’t know what they don’t know. 

4.  Be Mindful and Quiet in the Delivery Room

If you’re invited to be present at the birth, know that it’s an intimate, sacred, and intense experience. Keep the focus on the birthing mother and their needs. Stay calm and composed to help create a peaceful atmosphere, and only speak or assist when appropriate or if they ask for it.

Tip:  Labor requires deep concentration, so avoid distractions to the mother like talking to her, loud conversations with others, excessive phone use, or moving around a lot. Always remember– you’re there to be the calm island for the mother giving birth.

5.  Take Care of the Partner or Other Family Member

Partners or family members may need support too. They might be emotionally overwhelmed or physically weary and tired. Offering them snacks, a comforting word, or even a short break can help them stay focused and supportive to the mother.

Tip: Suggest short walks, a nap, or just a break to recharge if they seem overwhelmed or tired.

6.  Respect Privacy and Boundaries

Everyone’s birth experience is different. Some people want many family members around, while others prefer a quiet, private experience. Respect their wishes and avoid showing up unannounced or staying longer than they’re comfortable with.

Tip: Ask beforehand about when and how they’d like their support team and any visitors to come. Understand that they may change their mind during labor and after their baby is born.

7.  Be Emotionally Prepared for Different Outcomes

Births don’t always go as planned. Complications can arise, leading to changes in the birth plan or sometimes, an emergency can occur. Be flexible and supportive no matter the circumstances and offer comfort without judgment if things take an unexpected turn.

Tip:  Use calming language like, “You’re in a good hands” or “I’m here with you” to help keep the mood steady, even in uncertain situations. Keep yourself emotionally regulated, as the birthing person might need to hitch a ride on your calm nervous system.

8.  Offer Support After the Birth

Your role as a supportive friend or family member doesn’t end once the baby is born. The postpartum period can be physically and emotionally challenging, and new parents may need help adjusting. Bring meals, help with chores, or offer to look after the baby while the parents rest.

Tip:  Check in with the postpartum family regularly but respectfully to see if there are any specific needs you can meet during this time. Give specific ways you can help— “I’m going grocery shopping today, can I pick some things up for you?”

9.  Celebrate Their Journey

Whether the birth goes exactly as planned or not, celebrate the birth of the baby. If their birth experience was difficult or different than expected, hold space for them to process what they experienced

Tip:  Send or bring them a thoughtful card and gift.

10.  Encourage Professional Help When Needed

If you notice the new parent is struggling emotionally postpartum, gently suggest they speak with a mental health expert. Postpartum depression and anxiety are real, and offering your support in seeking help shows you care deeply about their well-being. If the mother is having trouble with breastfeeding, be sure to find a lactation consultant to help right away. When parents are overwhelmed, it’s hard to find their own resources. Finding resources for them could be the difference between them getting help or not.

Tip:  Let them know it’s okay to not feel okay and remind them they don’t have to go through any difficulties alone—that you’re there for them and that you will also help them get any other help they might want or need.

Conclusion

Supporting a loved one during childbirth is about being present, attentive, caring, and compassionate. Every birth is unique, and so are the needs of the person giving birth. By offering emotional, physical, and practical support, you can play a positive role in their journey into parenthood. Remember to respect boundaries, provide unconditional love, and be ready to assist in whatever way they need. 

For more guidance on how to help your loved one, you might consider signing up for our Labor Support 101: Essential Skills for Family, Friends & Aspiring Doulas online course